The room

Officially, the room says systems and evaluation.

Inside are 4 nsfs.

One is eating a wassant bread.

Another is playing a guitar.

The third one is having a good time with the psp.

And the last one is....sleeping.

Very hard work, defending my nation.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Seen at a chinese restaurant in century square

" While the best part of the fish is the belly, the crispy part of the
bone is really the best"

Wtf

--
Sent from my mobile device

Lunch time

about the stacking of plates after lunch

Aaron: "I love it when people stack the plates. I want to see how high
they stack and wait for that one jackass to put the last plate and see
it collapse"

--
Sent from my mobile device

Heart attack

Boss: chao cheebye, I went for the medical today. Fucking nurse, don't
know how she draw blood.

Wee: why you go medical, sir?

Boss: cos I have a lot of friends recently, drop dead from heart
attack! This cholesterol, damn scary, cheebye. So young!

Boss: also because this thing, we indians are more prone. They say its the food.

Me: sir... I think we should all go for checks too. For the 10 months
I've been here, I've had nothing but prata to eat every morning....

--
Sent from my mobile device

Re: Omg

On 8/29/08, ian tann <ian.personal@gmail.com> wrote:
> Omg I am mother cheebye sleepy I shall post a blog post everytime I
> feel like sleeping
>
> <Img
> src="http://server4.operamini.com/hp15-07/463xuyd874g1kvmai3p1uyg8plw9n7unwto0hu5c3qjd1bg3ga/1/1.bp.blogspot.com/IMG_3472.JPG">
>
> --
> Sent from my mobile device
>

--
Sent from my mobile device

Argh test?

--
Sent from my mobile device

this is how you do

So this is how you mobile blog

--
Sent from my mobile device

Life in the Service...

7:15am in the morning


i walk in the bunk and see Person A lying in the bunk.


i leave for the office.


9:am in the morning

i spot Person A sneaking into the map planning room with a sandwich in his hand. (to sleep and slack, what else)



10 am in the morning

i walk into the map planning room and i see Person A playing with his PSP, eating another sandwich.


After slacking with Person A for a few minutes, Person A's upper study bursts in and fucks him for having, and i quote "infinity tea breaks" (HAHAHAHAHA). Person A just grins and continues sitting in the room, until he decides to reluctantly skulk back to the main office.




Just now....


45 mins later...i see Person A sitting at the spec mess, having a chit chat session.






....What a Ninja.

Bread Talk

So this morning, i decided to get myself some bread.



Nothing but the finest kaya and butter toast from Wang's Cafe.



I walked in and ordered 2 pieces.



The lady proceeded to put two slices of bread onto the toaster.



Right, i shall attempt to use ASCII artwork to demonstrate to you how it looked like




----------------------------------
---ooooo-----------ooooo----------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
---ooooo-----------ooooo----------
----------------------------------



There, two pieces of bread.


And i went like "WHAT THE FUCK" cos i assumed she would sandwich the two pieces and i would get ONE piece. like so, as demonstrated below




------ooooooooooooooooo-------------- (o is bread layer)
------xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-------------- (x is kaya layer)
------ccccccccccccccccc-------------- (c is butter layer)
------ooooooooooooooooo-------------- (o is bread layer)


and i tried pointing out to her i wanted four pieces but she mumbled something about 4D and lottery, ARGH FUCK, so i told her to put another two pieces on the toaster before i slapped her silly.



so now it looks like this.


--------------------------------------------------------------------
---ooooo-----------ooooo-------------ooooo-----------ooooo----------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo-----------ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo-----------ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo-----------ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo-----------ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo-----------ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo-----------ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
--ooooooo---------ooooooo-----------ooooooo---------ooooooo---------
---ooooo-----------ooooo-------------ooooo-----------ooooo----------
--------------------------------------------------------------------


there, four pieces of bread.



and then do you know what she did?










she fucking sliced each loaf into half, then quarters.



and handed me 16 pieces of toast,


with a smile.







i feel like a walking loaf now. butter is dripping from my ears.

Fuck the Govt, Here are some REAL dating tips.

Dating Tips from him? not if you want your wife to look like this!




Here are some REAL dating tips that have been proven to work time and time again.

(well. i think they might. thats more then enough for some people.)



1. COMPLIMENT HER CLOTHES

"Wow you look stunning! the last time i saw that dress, i was with a hooker down at lorong 33 but you're different, i'm sure she stole it. bitch."


2. PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE

"Haha, its okay, i'll get the bill. WHATTHEFUCK$7.50FORSPARKLINGWATER?! WHY CANTYOUJKUSTDRINKTAP,BITCH.


3. TAKE A TAXI!

"...so there's enough money in your ez-link cards to pay for your romantic dinner at McDonalds later"


4. LET HER CHOOSE THE PLACE

"its only polite. =) " BECAUSEWEKNOWHOWSHEWILL BITCHIFYOUZICHARHERANDTHESMELLGETSINHERHAIR


5. ASK HER FOR SEX CONSIDER A ROMANTIC DINNER AT HOME

"Maggi, Tea, or me?"







GOOD LUCK =)

Little Studded Things

A certain celebrity blogger is ultra fond of these.



to the extent that she spends hours putting little beady things on all her items.



Does her vagina itch? are her breasts swollen? why the FUCK would you these (horrendous, i might add) wart looking sparklies on your handphone? Unless you have an itchy vagina and you need a rough surface to scratch against as you walk, i cannot fathom why the FUCK you would want all your digital accessories hideously vandalised.






i highly suggest your boyfriend glue those on his cock too. maybe your vadge will sparkle and glitter when you realise they drop out after like, 5 minutes.








Case in point







whot a juicy way to ruin a sidekick.

OMG

last night,

was the night of the mighty merlion.



we drank so fucking much, its no wonder the world has a fuel shortage.



the OMG moments:



Draining the entire cup, no matter what card i picked for circle of death.


Draining another entire cup (which was copiously laced with vodka) , even though grace koh, ashley and charmaine chan jingfei were sniggering very loudly and whispering "make ian drink it, make ian drink it". i mean, when someone comes up to you while you are playing rock band, with a smile plastered on her face, urging you to drink an innocent looking cup...nevermind.



Draining another cup just for the sake of draining another cup.



Draining another cup when i started failing the guitar part for rock band, half hoping more alcohol will make it better.




The WTF moments.


running out of the taxi and puking at the bushes of the grand copthorne the moment we ARRIVED at zouk. Yes. ARRIVED. wtf. we were all drunk when we arrived.


Seeing louis as we were walking in and having him say "brother! are you alright? wah you drunk alreaedy ah! we are at first table, wine bar, go there drink somemore."


Calling kyer just to yell "WHEREEE AREE YOUUU"


Calling Val to yell "WHEREEEE AREE YOUU"


Calling Val again to yell "WHERREE ARE YOUUU" because i couldnt remember what she told me the first time i called her.





The OMGWTFBBQ moments.



piggybacking chan jingfei across the road half drunk. Like wtf. both of us could have been killed. and then you would be TRULY famous online.






i watered the tree three times with my mouth this morning. like OMGGG.

Colorful pictures

Cheryl: I don't know...maybe put some colorful pictures on your blog?










Yes.

OMG

i am watching hannah montana.





Again.

Bubbly

The Army Half Marathon

As you all know, the Army Half Marathon (AHM) is this SUNDAY!

Of course, i am attempting the Army Half Marathon.

And i promised a very dear friend that i would come in FIRST for the army half marathon.

Of course i will come in first lah.

While others are assembling at the padang,

i would have already dashed to the finishing line,

cos i am the waterpoint boy. =_=".

of Olympics and Medals

Countries You Never Knew Were Better Then Us.

while all of you are celebrating wildly over our silver medal, (brought home by not so local talents,)

let me introduce you to some countries you probably never knew existed (and yet, of course, are leading us on the medal table)

Kyrgyzstan  0 gold, 1 silver, 1 bronze

One of my favourites. Apart from a virtually unpronouncable name (un-rememberable too), this very new country (independence 1991) mainly dabbles in vegetable, fruit, and organized crime. true story.

Compared to Singapore, i bet the silver medallist got a Llama, and the Bronze medallist brought home a head of lettuce.

Zim-Mother-Fucking-Bab-We! aka Zimbabwe  1 gold, 3 silver, 0 bronze

Nothing special about this country. Because there isn't fucking ANYTHING in this country. except for mad political leaders, genocide, racial killings. Oh yes, and did i mention 4 olympic medals?

Possible Prizes for their athletes: A head of a Tutsi, a meal for 2 at macdonalds, a pair of sandals.

Ethiopia  2  gold, 1 silver, 0 bronze

HAHAHAHA. HI! its ETHIOPIA. the poster country for STARVING babies, fly infested rice bowls and walking skeletons! i think thats their secret. Our sport nutritionists have been lying to us. No more food pyramid kids, its time to chew some bamboo. or sand. whatever.

sort of...maybe...whatever.

i am contemplating on making a few changes to my blog.

Just the other day, i was visiting dawnyang.com.

very interesting.

Even before Safari loaded up the webpage, i fell to my knees in reverence of Singapore's Hottest Blog/Singapore's Hottest Blogger.

"i am unworthy!", said my mind, as waves of shame washed over me for even considering taking that title.

Hence, i have decided to name myself the next best alternative;

Singapore's Biggest Cock.

SBC. Singapore's Biggest Cock.

has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

May the God's of nuffnang smile on me soon, and may my house be filled with wads of cash as poor wandering souls googling for "Singapore's Biggest Cock" click on to my link and give me hot sex and cash x 10000012302130120301203012031020310231203.

yay.

Hitler, ERP and the CBD.

omfg bloody funny.

Nemesis

i was hoping to get into Team Singapore A,


or worse, B.









by the way things went last night, maybe its time to consider Team Malaysia.

SLUT FAIL

Hairspray

Hey wow, now i know why we use wax and gel nowadays, someone tell the newspapers i've found where all the hairspray disappeared to.

The National Team Draft

Tomorrow is the start of a 3 Week, National Team Draft.


I start at 9pm, finish at 12.


Reach home at 1:30.


Sleep by 2:30.



Wake up at 5am.

Be at work by 730am.


oh my fucking godddd.

MASSIVE FAIL

Show Me The Money

I have been a healthy bumble bee recently!




all these photos just prove that i am unphotogenic.



I.E very difficult to spot.


Because i am a Ninja. Ninja Tann.

As Seen In Fail Blog

The Perfect Song For the Perfect Girl

Its that time of the year....again.

As such, we at Honey Bees and Dengue Trees Pte Ltd have proudly produced an awe inspiring, tear shedding, arse licking version of our favourite national day song.

(do note this is political satire so you can't sue me cos i studied medlaw and if vinod says i have privilege, then i have FUCKING PRIVILEGE ok.)




WE ARE SING-A-LONG
- - - - - -- - - - - - - - -

There was a time, when people said, that singapore wouldn't make it


BUT WE DID


There was a time, that people said, that lee hsien loong would win,


AND HE DID


We built a nation, and cut some trees,

Credit Card Debts, and Taxi Hikes,

Lets not forget E R PPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!



WE ARE SING A LONG,


WE ARE SING A LONG,


TAUGHT TO SING THIS VERY RETRO CHING CHONG SONG


WE ARE SING A LONG


WE ARE SING A LONG,


ONLY SINGING ALONG FOR THE SAKE OF LEE HSIEN LOONG.







ill update when i think of the next few lines.




Happy NDP folks!

SINGFEST TICKETS

to all you bastards who tried to flog your overpriced shit on ebay last week,








HA HA HA HA HA HA.




the smallest, most expensive and abrasive piece of toilet paper.

Time To Pretend.

Since i'm typing this in camp as i speak,

its only fitting that i start with a post dedicated to...





the 1G Phone for a 3G Army!



Good...:




Better......:



Best! :




The long antennae being all the better to shove it up the ass of the RP as he checks your bag for a camera.



Look on his face when he sees your marvel of technology? Priceless.

My First Post

Alas! customary to write something utterly useless like


"hello world!"


"my FiRst PosT heHexX"





wassup bitches.